Prologue

A/N: Previously, on Dick for Hire:

…I was typing up an email to some idiot who thought they were contacting a fucking dating service as opposed to a private investigations service when Swan stepped over to my desk and fingered a box that had been annoying the fuck out of her.

"And, when are you planning on tossing these, exactly?" she asked, taking one of my old business cards out of the box, holding it up to me with her eyebrow arched in utter fucking perfection.

I smirked, because I had to admit, "Dick for Hire" wasn't exactly gonna fucking fly anymore, seein' how I was working with a woman and all.

Pity, 'cause those fucking cards cost me a shit load of money.

I leaned back into my chair, clasping my hands behind my neck and said, "Well, we could adjust 'em and put 'Dick and Pussy for Hire'…that would probably pull in a lotta business."

She threw the card and the box into the trash and then pulled me out of my chair…

---

Cullen POV

"You should learn to be a little more open minded, Edward."

What I needed was a goddamn Tylenol.

Possibly ten.

It wasn't like I didn't know how to be…open-fucking-minded…I happen to be one hell of an open minded motherfucker…but this shit was…ridiculous.

Plus, we did still have a high profile, if we don't solve this shit we might lose an awful lotta goddamn business case staring us in the face at the moment, couldn't this shit wait?

I pinched the area between my eyes, thinking…and trying to control my temper.

"Are you seriously considering, in that pretty little head of yours, Swan, that I might actually approve of this shit?" I asked her.

I felt the crease in my forehead forming hard as I questioned the hard headed brunette who was currently chewing on her bottom goddamn lip as I eyeballed the piece of paper in front of me.

I mean, shit, if I wasn't so fucking annoyed at the monstrosity I was glaring at, I might have actually been turned right the fuck on by her worry face.

Okay, I was turned on, but I was more annoyed than turned on.

And that shit's not easily accomplished, believe me.

My mind was on other things as her face fell a little.

Like fucking finding the goddamn daughter of an airline guru, maybe? Perhaps that would be a better fucking topic of conversation as opposed to…this.

"Y…" she started, confused at my reaction, I'm guessing. "You don't like it?"

Was she fucking kidding me?

"Swan," I stopped myself, trying to come up with a polite way of putting that shit.

Too late for that, my friend.

"This shit is…fucking…"

Girly?

Frilly?

Fucking foo foo like a motherfucker?

She arched an eyebrow and I mentally scolded Eddy Jr. for even considering that shit while I was in the middle of trying to be sensitive and shit.

"Not me."

Her mouth fell open.

Like, we're talking Grand Canyon, my friends.

She let out a huff of some sort and put her hand on her hip before informing me, "Well, it's not about just you anymore, now, is it?"

Annnnnd there it is.

Fuuuuuuuuuck.

Me.

I knew that shit would turn ugly and yet, I just…said it anyway.

Good job.

Idiot.

Had he been there, my brother might have suggested I let her do whatever the fuck she wanted, give in, make her happy, it's the way of the pussy whipped.

But that's just not my goddamn style, if you're hearin' me loud and clear. I mean, it was still my house.

Right?

"No, Swan, it's not, but…"

"So are you saying I have no say in this?"

Okay, I was a little tiny bit pussy whipped.

In my peripheral, I could see Pup sitting in the shadows, his puppy sized head moving back and forth, watching Swan and I go at it like a couple of pros on the tennis court.

Fun stuff.

"No, I'm not fucking saying that…"

"Then what's wrong with it?" she asked, trying to confuse me with her female version of Jedi mind tricks.

"It's…" Fucking tacky. "What's with the sunset?"

She took the mock up business card from me and pointed at it. "It's symbolism of how we put people's worries to rest, Cullen, you know, like…a sunset is relaxing? We relax people?"

My face was frozen.

Because….

What.

The.

Fucking.

Fuck?

"Symbolism."

"Right," she said, just like that. Like that shit was supposed to make some kinda fucking sense or something but quite goddamn frankly, I was still stuck on how my eyes were blinded from the fucking color scheme she'd chosen.

Hm.

I was starting to feel like I was backing myself into a fucking corner with this shit and from the look on Swan's face, I wasn't getting' outta there unscathed, if ya know what I'm sayin'.

I mean, seriously? A sunset? On my goddamn business cards?

That's like...putting a fucking gun in the hands of the goddamn Dalai Lama, for Christ's sake.

Not to mention color costs a fuck ton of money.

"I think it needs work."

That was tactful.

Right?

"Well I don't."

That was it…she was digging her flawless fucking feet in.

I was done for.

This was not gonna end well, I was sure of it but then…I had an idea.

I've mentioned I'm one crafty motherfucker, right?

"Ever hear of a little thing called, I dunno, compromise, Swan?"

Her jaw set and her eyes narrowed as her shoulders relaxed…just a tad.

Point, Cullen.

I had her and she knew it. Compromise was a big deal with her. I'd tucked that shit away a long time ago for use in situations exactly like this fuckery.

I'm like a goddamn chameleon, people…I blend, I adjust, I fucking concur.

"Well, what do you suggest?" she asked.

I suggest we scrap the goddamn business card fuckery and go do the nasty while we still have some fucking time, that's what I suggest.

"Can we, maybe… I dunno…get rid of the foo foo writing?" I asked and believe me when I say you should be glad you weren't there when I said that blather.

Shit.

Now she looked hurt.

Great.

Fucking partners, I tell ya. It. Never. Goes. Well.

Does no one listen to me?

Seriously.

"I gave you a manly "C", I thought you'd like that."

A manly C?

My head fell back and I closed my eyes while a long, painful block of air escaped my mouth in an oh so I'm not winning this goddamn battle kinda way.

But hell, I never was one to give up quite that goddamn easily.

"Think…simple, Swan. We don't wanna overwhelm people with…"

She waited, annoyed with what she no doubt was imaging I would say next, so I side stepped her sexy ass.

"Our fucking symbolism."

Her mouth twisted and she took the card back from me.

"Fine, I'll…take it back to the drawing board," she said and I let out the proverbial thankful fucking sigh.

But then, she made that goddamn pouty face at me.

I hate that face.

It tends to make not only my dick, but my brain do and say things it wouldn't normally fucking do or say.

So I took shit into my own hands and slid them around her waist, pulling her into me a little while I nuzzled into her hair and took a nice long goddamn whiff of this week's shampoo.

Coconut.

"The board would like to motion that we move on to…" I kissed behind her ear while Eddy Jr., who also liked the smell of fucking coconut, nudged up against Swan's…inner being. "Other things at this time."

A giggle escaped her, despite the frustration her body told me she was feeling and the card fell to the floor.

I pulled Bella's top off of her shoulder a little, letting my lips do all the talking along her collar bone and she shivered a little, making me smirk, knowing her mind was officially not on goddamn ugly as fuck business cards that would represent a union of epic proportions in my humble fucking opinion.

And also make me look like a goddamn girly man, if ya ask me.

That shit's not cool.

She hummed, letting her hands work their way under my shirt and I flinched from the tickle of her fucking fingers against my skin.

"You know," she said. "With all the researching going on this week, and your training with Seth…"

"Mmmmm Hmmmm," I replied, unbuttoning her jeans, working my way down the zipper that I officially fucking hated with its goddamn rusted teeth from Swan washing them every day.

You'd think she didn't own another fucking pair of jeans for Christ's sake.

Which I happened to know for a fucking fact that she did because she was cramming them all into my fucking closet after she ran out of room in the large as fuck closet I'd already given her filled up.

I mean Jesus, how many fucking articles of clothing does one goddamn woman need anyway?

Her breathing stopped momentarily when I got the fuckers down far enough to skim her pussy with my fingers from outside the wall I like to call, Bella's deceptively hard to get the fuck off underwear….then she started talking again.

"I missed this."

"Me too," I told her, moving her toward the office chair.

Hey, don't knock it, that fucker is comfortable as shit.

Besides, we'd already proven a couple of times that sex in it…is goddamn priceless.

I just needed to…turn us…around…

I fell backwards into the chair and pulled Swan down on top of me and she did this…pushing her clothing off thing with her feet that I'd seen her do a few times, then fucked with my button flies while we merged mouths, leaving all discussions about fugly business cards behind us.

"I love you," she whispered, sending goddamn goosebumps up my spine.

I swear, I still wasn't quite used to hearing a woman say that shit and mean it, much less mean it right back at her ass.

"I fucking love you, too, Swan," I retorted, fucking with her shirt to get it the hell off of her.

"Do you?" she teased, slipping her hand into my pants, finding my dick already up and saying hello to said hands.

"Fuck," I breathed. "You know I do."

"How much?"

My hands found her tits and answered her with some nipple pinching as my tongue found hers and she breathed in through her nose deeply, pushing into me a little more with her hips.

"Sooooo," she murmured into my neck as her hand fondled my dick with the utmost per-fucking-fection known only to me by her. "I can go ahead and print the cards?"

I laughed. She was goddamn priceless with that shit. And fucking adorable when she was negotiating, to boot.

"I don't fucking think so, Swan," I said and then added for good goddamn measure, "My bad…Bella."

That was about when I realized.

I was still somewhat of a fucking idiot.

All dick fondling ceased and she leaned back, looking into my eyes questioningly.

"You're serious."

I smirked when I laughed that time. "Yes I'm fucking serious, they suck, Swan, now get back here let me give you a proper…sucking."

I wiggled my eyebrows at her and then leaned in to kiss her ass again but she pulled back further, huffed, then got up, collecting her shit from off of the floor and I asked her, "What?"

"Maybe I need to spend more time perfecting my sucking capabilities, Cullen, I wouldn't want you to be disappointed or anything, now…would I."

I opened my mouth to say something but in all goddamn honesty. It was over.

And I was a fucking asshole.

I fell back into the chair and dragged a hand over my face, thinking about how that could have gone better when Pup whined a little as he stood at the bedroom doorway, sitting on his ass, wagging his fucking tail across the floor behind him.

"Fuck you, they were goddamn ugly and you know it," I told him.

I fucking hate it when he's smug.

He whimpered a little and then did exactly that and I was left alone again.

Confusion set in because I was fairly fucking certain that it had been a whole hell of a lot easier to get Swan to have sex with me when we had separate living quarters.

Now a days, she knew too many of my secrets, there were too many ways for her to fuck with me on both a physical and emotional playing field and I wasn't liking how any of it was fairing for yours truly.

As I lay there with Eddy Jr. standing at fucking attention, debating whether I'd go take a long hot goddamn shower or just wack the fuck off right there in the office, I thought about how much she meant to me and wondered…

Who's goddamn idea with this living together shit was anyway?

But who the hell was I kidding? It wasn't like I was willing to have her outside of my immediate fucking area.

I was just having a hard goddamn time figuring out what the point of living together if you're just gonna get pissed off and leave your utterly fucking devoted companion alone with a raging goddamn hard on every time you don't get your way.

Which, I gotta say, is just…not right.

On so many fucking levels.

Women.

They're sneaky motherfuckers.

Especially this one.

Since I had nothing better to do, being that my live in booty call had just dissed the motherfuck out of me, I started making a mental list of all the shit that needed to get done over the course of the next few weeks, or…months.

Weeks preferably.

It wasn't all that bad, I decided.

I only had to find a missing airline princess, stop a hired gunman from killing said princess, deal with my over bearing father, find a way to work with the DC Metro PD which included my know it all, squeaky clean, by the book brother and somehow find a way to tell the woman I love, who could quite possibly kick my ass from here to tim buck motherfucking two, if I did, that she has no goddamn talent when it comes to graphic fucking design.

Piece of cake.