Chapter 6 – Fighting Demons

CULLEN POV

 

“Daddy!  Pick me up!”

“Take me to the park, daddy!”

“Will you make this for me, daddy?”

“Daaaaaaaa-Deeeeeeeee! I just had a accidennnnnnt!”

No more Sunday morning woody wake-ups…no more sex on the kitchen table.

Or against the kitchen wall…

Against the shower wall, maybe…

I raised an eyebrow at that.

What about cases?…I mean shit, I can’t be putting my life in fucking danger with a…you know…

The thoughts that invaded my consciousness, combined with the sounds and screams and annoying…sticky fucking little hands that were grabbing at me as I fell into a fear induced coma of hearing that Swan…could be…

Pup nudged me and I wondered, how would he fucking feel if a new person was added into this chaos.

“Cullen!”

I jumped.

A little.

“What?”

“Did you hear what I said?”

Uhhhh.

“Yeah, yeah, Um…” 

Annnnd the creasing forehead was back.

I swallowed.

Hard.

“You…”

“Took a pregnancy test last week,” she finished for me because apparently my goddamn mouth wasn’t working properly.

Swan was standing there, scowling at me with her hand on her hip and I had a fast forward flash of her with a big belly and bare feet and…dirty fucking diapers hanging over her shoulder.

I shivered.

“Well?”

“Well…what?”

I felt like I was missing something.

Some very important clue that would tell how I was supposed to react to this shit without getting a fist to my face.

Again.

Pup looked up at me like he knew something I didn’t fucking know and I mentally told him to fuck off.

Then Swan huffed and threw up her hands and started to leave the room and I was a little goddamn offended at her attitude, to tell ya the truth.

“What?” I asked again, frustrated this time.

“I knew you would react this way.  That’s what.”  She said that last part in her “man” voice.

And okay, she had me there.

“Hold on a goddamn second.”

I grabbed at her arm but she swatted me away, giving me that, fucking touch me and you die, look so I held my hands up in surrender and backed off.

Because I like my balls in one piece, thank you very fucking much.

Or…two pieces.

What the fuck ever.

Beside the point.

I had to laugh.

A little bit.

She spun around on me and I found myself backing up just a tad.

You know, in case fists were flying.

They weren’t, people, settle down.

“Really, Swan, let’s look at this logically, shall we?” I laughed…sarcastically.  “I mean I’m not exactly the dad type, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

She narrowed her eyes at me and even though I knew she knew I was fucking right and so to bring my point home…and because I am one seriously babbling motherfucker, I added…”And how’s a kid supposed to fit into our work schedule?  I mean shit, we’ve got case loads up to our goddamn eyeballs, not to mention the one we’re currently working on, where the dick twat isn’t even being up and fucking up with us, a hired goddamn gunman out there with the dick twat’s daughter…and then there’s Muldoon, who’s….”

“Edward…”

“Fucking…” I laughed as my hands flailed.  And yeah, I was getting a little fucking hysterical.

Sue me.

“EDWARD.”

I stopped my adamant and uncontrolled word vomit when she said my name that second time.  “What?’

“The result was negative, you ass.”

“Oh.”

“And you’re babbling.”

Right.

My eyebrows found each other.  “Sorry.”

Silence took the two of us over and I felt like a fucking idiot just standing there with nothin’ to say to the woman I’d already proclaimed my love for, swore she’d was the goddamn ONE and yet, there we were…

Zzzzzzilch to say.

Pup left and I wished I were him for once.

‘Cause that shit was goddamn awkward to say the least, people.

To say the most, it was cata-fucking-clismic.

I also couldn’t help but notice her hair was all…like she’d been fucking with it too much.  Ya know what I mean?

Nervous goddamn habits, my friends.

I sucked in some air and held it, making my cheeks bloat and then let the air out nice and fucking slow. My eyes darted around looking for something.  Anything to change the goddamn subject so we could just…move on, now that the issue was gone.

That was about when I wondered something without really realizing I was even wondering it.

“So, did you…?  I mean…were you wanting to…?”  I kinda did this weird as hell hand gesture, thinking it would get my point across and the question asked without me actually having to say anything but all it did was create a distortion in her face that made me think she was in some kinda pain or something.

I let out a short laugh.

What?

I stopped myself…Jesus.

“No, I didn’t…want to…” and then she made the same hand gestures I’d been making.  Probably to show me just exactly how completely and fucking utterly stupid I looked.

It worked and as soon as I got passed the humor in the situation, I breathed a little easier.

Until she continued on with her rant.

“But some day…I might…”  she stammered and I felt like suddenly, she was a little uneasy.  “I mean I probably will…” then the uneasy was gone and the chin jetting moved in.  “…and it would be nice if you didn’t act like it was some sort of cosmic disaster if it happened.”

What the fuck?

Okay…Hold. Up.

 “Just…hold the goddamn phone. Swan…are you trying to tell me that now I’m expected to be on your motherfucking time table when it comes to this shit?”

Seriously?

“I mean, it’s not like we’ve discussed ever being in that fucking predicament.”

Am I right?

I’m right, right?

I can’t always be wrong.

I think.

I did a little scowling of my own then and that question got her attention.

She sighed, closing her eyes and then said, “No,” then she turned and started for the fridge.  Pulling out a beer, she popped the top and chugged that motherfucker faster than a bad check can clear a bank.

And may I just fucking note here, that’s something she would not have been able to do had she been…you know.

When she was done, she pulled two more out and handed me one so I had to figure I was outta the goddamn dog house.

For now, anyway.

“You okay?” I asked, because she really didn’t look like herself lately and even though now I knew why, it didn’t mean I didn’t give a shit.

Double negative, ladies and gentlemen, it means I gave a goddamn.

“Yeah…” she answered but part of me thought she didn’t really mean it.

Not that there was anything I could do about it.

I set my beer down and took my place behind her, letting my hands find their way around her waist, landing on her belly, where I clasped my fingers together, then I put my chin on her shoulder and kissed her cheek.

“You disappointed?

She let out some air and said, “I don’t know what I am.”

And with the sound of her voice along with the body language she was projecting, I squeezed her tighter.

‘Cause that’s pretty much all I could do, considering what a fucking asshole I was, apparently.

Later on, when we pulled up to Emmett’s precinct to pay Muldoon a little visit and hopefully catch his ass off guard with the information I’d found in Kate’s diary, Swan was, seemingly, more herself.

I guess no matter who you are, confessing shit makes it better.

In part, anyway.

“A hundred bucks says he avoids the whole conversation,” she said as we got off of the bike.  She also made mention of how, if I didn’t get Eleanor from Rose soon, we’d be taking the truck next time.

Talk about moti-fucking-vation.

Emmett wasn’t at his desk and even though the front clerk said that civilians weren’t exactly allowed down in the gym, we went anyway.

‘Cause if there’s one thing I’m not, it’s a fucking pansy ass motherfucker who follows the golden goddamn rule of corrupt fucking police precincts.

That’s where they get ya.

Not that I’m bitter.

I’ve moved passed that shit.

Kinda.

“Yo EM!” I yelled out as we entered the room and when my brother’s head whipped around to see who was calling his name, Muldoon clocked him good right in the goddamn jaw.

Ouch.

Man, he was gonna kick my ass for that, later.

Or try to, anyway.

“You are not supposed to be here, Cullen!” Muldoon screeched at me from the boxing ring as Emmett scrambled to get up off of his ass, cursing like a goddamn sailor as he did it.

At me, no doubt.

“And what’s that woman doing in here on top that?”

“Again, with the fucking women remarks…” Swan mumbled it but I heard it and she was right anyway. 

“What? You don’t have females employed in your…” I put my hands out like I was fucking Moses speaking to the crowds on Mt. Sainai.  “Golden fucking Chamber?”

That got me a chuckle from my co-hort and I was finally feeling a little fucking hopeful that Swan was back.

In full goddamn swing apparently, because the next thing I knew, she was challenging Muldoon.

“Well this particular woman could kick your ass any day of the week.”

She was serious as a goddamn heart attack which surprised the fuck out of me because typically, she had the good relationship with Muldoon.  He laughed at her and blew it off but something told me she was kinda hoping he’d try to get her to prove that shit.

Maybe she was still pissed about the whole…you know, possible new little person convo…maybe not…but I’d take a hundred to one on that fight any goddamn day.

Emmett, who was finally up and on his feet…and making sure his jaw was still put together right asked, “Something wrong, bro?”  then nodded at Swan and winked. “Hey, Bells.”

I shook my head at his ass and ignored his fucking flirting with my…Swan, keeping an eye on the good Lieutenant, trying like the desperate motherfucker that I am, not to think about Swan wiping up the ring floor with his face.  “Nope, we’re actually here to ask your boss a few questions, Em.”

I thought I heard a groan come out of him and Muldoon sighed a heavy sigh.

You know, like one of those, here we fucking go again type of sighs?  Only it was more like, why the fuck didn’t I just retire after all that bullshit last year because now Cullen’s about to call my ass out and make me look like the Dick that I am kinda sigh.

Ya know what the fuck I’m sayin’?

“What do you want, Cullen?” he asked in his Sergeant Gunny voice, trying to play that shit off like he wasn’t just a tad goddamn nervous.

But I knew better.

That sweat beading up on his ugly ass mug wasn’t just from the boxing, let me tell ya.

“We should probably discuss it in private, Lieutenant,” I told him, trying my damndest not to smile, smirk or otherwise give away the complete amusement I was getting out of this shit.

I was playin’ his ass but he wasn’t having any of that.

“I have a better idea,” he teased, taking a chug of his vitamin water as Emmett eyeballed him, then me, then Swan.

She rolled her eyes and they both shook their heads a little as Muldoon finished.

“Why don’t we spar for some quality time, Cullen?”

Okay, seriously?  Because God only fucking knows how bad I’d like to kick that guy’s ass.

“Lieutenant…” Emmett started, warning him about who knows what and I wanted to tell him to fuck off for inter-fucking-ferring with my exercise time but Muldoon beat me to it.

“You’re done, Sergeant,” he said to Em…that was his promoted title, by the way. 

Yep.

My brother, the sell out.

It’s sad, ladies and gentlemen, but…what am I gonna do?  He’s my goddamn brother.

He didn’t wanna leave that ring, I could tell, but he did it, and he came over to where Swan and I were, telling me, “You know you don’t have to do this, right?”

I laughed at his ass.

Because, seriously...

“Gee, thanks, Em…I’ll be sure and let the masses know that I didn’t have to do it after I’m done bustin’ his non-existent balls.”

“Edward…” Swan grabbed my arm and I thought she was gonna try to stop my ass too but then she just said, “He’s got a weak right hook.”

Ya really gotta fucking love that woman.

Am I right?

I smiled at her and took my jacket off as I entered the ring and thought it was a good goddamn thing I wore the tennis shoes that day ‘cause fucking boots just would not have cut it.

“So, what are we playin’ for, sir?”

Sir, ya like that?

It’s called mocking your prey, my friends.

Don’t try it at home.

“How about, I knock you on your proverbial ass and you walk away and leave me…and my unit alone for once.”

He said it like it wasn’t even a fucking question but I of course had to counter that offer because hell if I was going down.

Easily anyway.

“Kinda old to be makin’ threats, aren’t ya, sir?” I chided and all that did was make Kong a mad monkey.

“Alright, you win, I leave…but I win…” I smiled. “And you tell me what you know about this Mendez case, clean and clear and without any of your fucking cryptic bullshit.”

He pounded his glove laiden fists together in agreement and Emmett shoved a couple of gloves onto my hands, then a mouth guard into my mouth and rang the goddamn bell like we were Apollo and Rocky goin’ at it for the first time.

I was Rocky, who do you fucking think I was?

Hell, Apollo even knew he couldn’t handle the Rock-meister.

Swan looked a little worried and part of me wanted to be pissed off at that shit.  I mean seriously.  I had twenty years on this guy and at least two degrees of black belt.

Without much warning, Muldoon threw his first punch at me but all I had to do was lean a little to the left for him to miss me.

It made me wonder if he was just really that bad or if he was fucking with me for some reason.

Probably fucking with you, Cullen.

I didn’t make a move on him, yet, though.

If I’d learned one thing in my life time of fighting ass holes, it was to wait them out and see what they’re packin’.

We danced around a little, bouncing and getting used to each other when suddenly, he swung again, only this time it was a little too goddamn close for comfort if ya ask me.

That was when I caught a glimpse of Swan, chewin’ on her finger nails and I couldn’t help but think about our conversation earlier and how for a few seconds there, I thought I was gonna be a…

Fucking father.

I saw Muldoon in front of me, but what I really saw, was every Tom, Dick and goofy ass, virginistic, pimple faced motherfucker that might a asked my daughter out some day, and how they’d probably tell they loved her, then asked her to prom….and then danced a little before tellin’ her he wanted to take her home except his car would con-fucking-veniently run out of gas or some shit like that and then he’d…

I rabbit punched Muldoon in the nose…twice…and his head flew backwards, blood splattering upward and outward.

Swan…or hell, maybe it was Em, gasped and I lowered my hands to wait and see whether he’d go down or not but he regrouped and shook it off.

Not that I was surprised by that shit but you know, I hit that fucker hard.

I put my hands back up to defend the facial features and when he came back after me, he wasn’t playin’ around anymore.

I caught a good ribbing and a couple of side jabs but I pushed him off and took a short breather before hittin’ him with a couple of sequential fucking chest punches followed up by a right swing to the side of his fucking head.

“You knew Kate was in trouble,” I told him.  I wanted to start in on baiting his ass so that in the unlikely event that I lost this fucking match, I’d at least have something to go on.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I pished at him and swung again but he batted it away.

“I read her diary, Muldoon.”

I said it so he could hear me, but Emmett couldn’t as I pushed him up against the ropes and the look in his eyes told me everything.

He’d spoken to her about it.

Maybe even in person.

I didn’t get too much time to process the information when he punched me in the gut and away from him, then he gave me another one of his goddamn rib jabs for good measure.

A punch to the head made my world spin and I wasn’t exactly sure which fucking way was up or down as he repeated that action, telling me, “Like I said, Cullen…I. Don’t. Know. What. You’re. Fucking. Talking. About.”

He  threw me into a corner and I might been done for, except that he took a moment to tell me a little something else.

Something I hadn’t accounted for.

As he was body crowding me, he told me into my ear, “How about we talk about some photos I have, Cullen…photos that won’t paint you in a very positive light…”

He waited for me to make eye contact with him before adding, “Ones from a certain boat dock, of you…giving one of my men, a highly disturbed, stressed man, a gun…”

Shit.

Newton.

Shit, fuck and mother of cunt sucking pieces of….

Dammit.

He smiled at my reaction as he gave me one last push and started back to his corner, thinking it was over but I figured if he wanted people to see them, he’d a shown someone by now.

So I gathered my goddamn wits and called out to him.

Just as he turned to face me, I decked him.

As hard as I could and as thoroughly as I could.

And that smug ass motherfucker went down like a rock.

I took the fucking mouth piece outta my mouth and spit some of the blood out of my mouth onto the ring floor as I took the gloves off.

Muldoon wasn’t out cold but he was pretty dazed.

I didn’t know exactly what the fuck to do with this new information.

He definitely had me by the brass balls but what in the hell was he planning on doing with them, was the ten million dollar goddamn question.

When he started to get up he was cursing up a storm but Emmett had some good advice for him.

“Never turn your back on your enemy, sir.”

My back was to Muldoon at that point so I didn’t mind smiling my ass off at my brother who’d, admittedly, come a long way since the straight laced goody two shoes I’d known just a couple of years ago.

That guy never would of teased a superior.

I told Emmett I’d catch him later and then told Muldoon over my shoulder, “I’ll be in touch, Lieutenant.”

Once Swan and I were outside, I asked, “Hungry?”

She eyeballed my ass in that sexy in only the way the Swan can look at me kinda way…like she knew I was up to something and she said, “you’re awfully chipper for someone who’s bleeding, possibly internally.”

She felt at my lip with her fingers and it brought back some serious up memories of the last time I was beat to a pulp and homeless.

Sorta.

“How do I look?”  I waggled my eyebrows for her and then winked.

With the eye that didn’t hurt too much.

She leaned up and kissed the corner of my mouth.

She was way passed trying to act like that shit didn’t turn her on and I was too tired to play the smart ass.

“Hot,” she said before grinning ear to ear and then we got back onto the Honda and headed toward one of my favorite burger joints of all goddamn time.

“Seriously?”  she asked as we pulled into the parking lot.

Who was she, now?  Me?

“what?”

“You’re taking me to…” She looked up at the sign again as I pulled into the drive through line.

“Dick’s….drive thru?  On a bike?”

Clearly she did not see the absolute beauty of hitting a drive through and heading home, weaving through two-seventy traffic with a bag of Dick’s burgers in your hand.

“Uh, yeah, they have fuck awesome Angus burgers, Swan. Voted number one five goddamn years in a row.”

Scowling.

And head shaking.

I smiled and laughed a little at her, raising my eyebrows, attempting to snap her out of the Cullen piss fest she’d been in most of the day. “Have I ever steered you wrong?”

She sighed; annoyed with me…again…something that seemed to be a customl of sorts since earlier, all starting with that bullshit about…goddamn…little people.

We pulled up to the speaker to place our orders and once I was done with mine, Swan was once again, staring at me with disbelief in what I’d just told the guy I wanted.

“Well,” I said to her, nodding my head at the speaker.  “Tell the man what you want.”

Her mouth was doing this twisty turny thing and I just chuckled at her ass while she looked for something….anything on the menu that she could order without sounding like a complete perv.

It was priceless.

‘Cause this was gonna be good, ladies and gentlemen.

She finally made her mind up and mumbled into the speaker, trying not to let anyone around us hear her, ‘causing the faceless wonder on the other side to ask, “Could you speak up, ma’am?  I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you.”

Ma’am. 

That shit’s funny.

I was shoulder bobbin’ at her predicament and Swan wacked me in the shoulder.

My bad one.

“Ow, fuck,” I said, rubbing it out as she leaned in closer to the mic so the teeny bopper could hear her better.

“I’ll have a…” she hesitated and I had to cover my fucking mouth to stop from laughin’ again.

I mean, shit…I still laughed, I just didn’t want her to see me laugh, that’s all.

“Deluxe Dick, please….number three, no pickles.”

Dying, my friends. I was completely…and utter fucking dying.

“Can you repeat that?" the kid on the speaker asked.

Sweet God in Heaven above likes me today.

I laughed out loud at that one, ‘cause there really was just no goddamn way for her to get outta that shit.

"A. Number. Three. Deluxe. Dick. No. Pickles,” she said louder.

There was a pause and then the kid on the speaker asked, "No pickles on your deluxe dick? Is that correct?"

“Fuck my life,” Swan said under her breath and I decided to cut her a break finally, answered for her, then we pulled around to pay.

“I hate you,” she told me as we drove out of the parking lot and into traffic but I knew she didn’t mean it.

I think.

Anyway, I’d been meaning to take her ass there for a long time, Dick’s drive through had been around forever and it was just one of those things she needed to experience.

I really enjoyed Dick’s.

I knew Dick really well, actually.

What?

His name was Richard.

Once we got home and started unpacking all the food that Pup was jumping up and down to try and scavenge and I was trying to figure out how to avoid anymore awkward as fuck conversations, my cell phone rang.

It was Jasper.

“Yo,” I said, ‘cause you know, it wasn’t very often the shoe was on the other foot with that guy.

“Cullen, good news.”

“You found the bad guy and Swan and I get a vacation?”

He laughed.

Kinda.

“Funny….no, but I think I got a lead for ya.”