Cullen POV
"You are…such an asshole."
Is she not the sexiest goddamn thing on the planet when she's using bad language directed at my ass?
Seriously.
"Yeah?"
I let my eyebrows bob up and down a little as I zipped my jeans back up, doin' a little hip bump to throw her off balance so I could watch her tits do the tango.
What?
She has nice tits, we've been over this.
"Yeah," she said, matter of fucking factly, kicking a foot at me.
And missing.
Also very goddamn sexy.
"You in the habit of fallin' in love with assholes?"
That was a joke.
She smiled, buttoning herself up and Eddy Jr. ribbed me.
"Just one, apparently."
Thank you very much… and let me just say…it's a good goddamn thing.
"I'm also very good at putting that fucking smile on your face, in case you didn't notice."
"Doesn't diminish the fact that you're an asshole."
This is true.
I took a deep breath. "All part of the manly Essence that is me, Swan."
She was laughing.
And rolling her eyes.
And she was really…really making me wanna take her home and forget this stake out all together as she pulled her hair back into a pony tail.
It's all in the neck area…that little curve where it meets up with her shoulder?
It's like fucking kryptonite, I tell ya.
"Are you saying you didn't enjoy the bush romp?"
She eyeballed me, twisting her mouth a little.
And there's the blush.
Gotta love it.
"I'm saying…" she punched me in the shoulder.
Ow.
Did I say a year?
Shit.
"That we really shouldn't be bush romping when we're supposed to be staking out a suspect slash victim slash guy who's paying our bills at the moment.
"He hasn't paid us shit, yet, Swan…and he might not if he finds out we suspect he has something the fuck to do with his daughter's disappearance."
She sighed.
It was her, how did I manage to get myself involved with a trouble maker like Cullen, sigh.
So I improvised.
"And I didn't exactly hear any complaining from the bush rompee while it was goin' on."
She finished fixing herself and then walked over to me, placing her perfect fucking lips against mine while her hand found the back of my neck where it meets my hair line.
When she was done getting' a rise out of Eddy Jr. again, she told me, "I'll file my complaint….later."
I smiled.
'Cause that shit right there, ladies and gentlemen, is why there will never be another goddamn woman for this sad excuse for a human being in this life time, or any other.
And actually, to be quite fucking honest, we'd had a fairly decent goddamn day, thus far, when I thought about it.
Lunch with Swan with no outside interruptions, not even so much as a fucking phone call from my dad suggesting I patch things up with Muldoon so as not to make things "uncomfortable" for Emmett.
It was flawless.
Romping around with Swan on the grassy knoll just outside of Titus Airline's secure as a paper trail perimeter, however...
Perfection.
What?
It was dusk, no one saw us.
I think.
Anyway, it was all about timing, my friends, because right about then, was when the personally owned and operated by Mendez, himself, single engine plane came in for a landing.
"Get ready," I said to myself more than Bella, 'cause, let's face it, she was already done up and had her gun totin' face on by the time I had holstered my fucking Colt again.
Damn.
Fucking cases.
I really needed to find a way to fit more quality time in with that woman.
And by quality, I mean the skin to skin kind.
In our bed.
Or maybe next to it.
Whichever.
Anyway.
It was time to get our game faces on and that we did.
Hopping on to the Honda again, we waited a ridiculous amount of time for Mendez to get his shit together and leave finally.
I mean, Jesus, what was he fucking doing inside?
Writing a book?
I made sure I stayed far enough behind the too fucking long to be considered a goddamn limo and stopped just outside of his who knows how many acres of land complex when he pulled through the gates to his mansion.
Swan was checking out the side of the house, looking like she was figuring on scaling that fucker and I had to smirk a little 'cause you know, seriously…that shit would be epic.
Plus I could watch her ass as she made her way up.
Not gonna complain about that fuckery.
"And the sticky note said what, exactly, again?"
She was still staring upward.
"Stay away from the case….blah de fucking blah blah…you'll be sorry…" I put my hands up to mimic the old scary black and white movies where the music would be playing in the background to freak you out just a little.
"Any chance we're considering it?"
She looked at me then and I gave her my best…are you fucking crazy? look.
She stared upward again. "Just checkin'," she assured me, then asked, "How…in the hell…are we gonna get in there?"
Aside from coming up with crazy goddamn ideas, she had a justified question.
I just wasn't quite sure what the answer was.
Yet.
So I did what I always did when I didn't have the answer myself.
I called the man.
"Jazz…"
"Cullen."
"Can you hack a security system?"
He laughed.
Of course he could.
Stupid fucking questions.
Once the cameras were properly…indisposed of…temporarily, Swan and I shimmied over the obtrusive fucking wall and flattened ourselves up against the outer wall of the lower quadrant of the ri-goddamn-diculously sized home of our "victim".
I mean seriously, who needs that much fucking living space when you have one goddamn kid?
Regardless, since I was the king of finding my way in and out of seemingly impossible situations…I found us an "in"…
Since manual security trumped our simultaneously concocted schemes for just…you know, walking right the fuck into through the front doors of the house…I found the most inconspicuous entry I could.
Which was a tiny as fuck window on the back corner of the place.
We were hidden by shadows and far enough away from doors that if I ended up having to break the glass, it wouldn't be heard.
Luckily, it didn't come to that.
Because for a high priced pieced of property, the piece of shit building didn't exactly have burglar proof locks on its windows.
Or shall I say, Swan proof.
She picked that fucker like the toothless sodomizers played their banjos in Deliverance.
I went in first.
Now, some might call that shit breaking and entering.
I happen to call it tactical offensive strategizing, my friends.
Not the same thing.
At all.
Seriously.
What?
As I squeezed through the opening that was about ten times too small for me I couldn't help but wonder if I was gaining some serious weight or something 'cause that was one unyielding motherfucker.
I almost fell on my ass trying to get in there.
"Holy shit it's tight in here."
When Swan fell through the window behind me, she was immediately pushed up against my dick, which, ya know, is one of my favorite fucking places for her to be but…shit, this was not my kinda goddamn idea of a good place for wall sex, if ya know what I mean.
"Oh my god, are you freaking out? You're not freaking out are you?" she asked me, a little bit of freaking the fuck out in her own voice, and with that, her hands slid to my hips and she was flat up against Eddy Jr., giving me one hell of a good goddamn idea.
And the beginnings of a stiffy.
Where were we? In a broom closet?
"oh…yeah, definitely freaking out."
"Cullen," she whispered louder. "Are you…claustrophobic?"
I laughed. But only internally.
"Definitely," I grunted. "Definitely claustrophobic."
Who puts a window in a fucking broom closet?
"Well, crap…tell me what can I do."
"That, exactly what you're doing, that's….goood."
I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into me a little more, getting just the friction I was fucking looking for…or, at least…Eddy Jr. was lookin' for and she tried maneuvering around a little, to no avail.
I don't even think she realized that as she was fucking shifting around like that, she was doing exactly what I fucking wanted and needed her to do.
"Cullen."
Or maybe she did.
"Yeah…"
"You're not really claustrophobic are you?"
"No."
"Jerk."
She pushed me off of her as I laughed at her ass and she cracked open the door some to take a look out into whatever the hell room was the home of our current inner room.
I moved into position just behind her, being that my dick was clearly not ready to end our play date, and let my nose make its way into the spot just below her ear.
"We don't need to hurry out into the unknown just yet, do we, Swan?"
She smelled fucking delicious and when I heard the familiar huff through her nose and she wacked me on mine before giving me the stink eye, I knew the answer before she even spoke.
Un-fucking-fortunately.
"There is something seriously wrong with you."
I smiled and kissed her neck and gave her some, uh…frontal free for all a little cupping before fully giving up and whispered, "So they say."
A slight elbow to the ribs and we were outta there.
Thank god.
As we inched down the overly fucking ornate hallway, I noticed music and the scent of some seriously excellent fucking smelling dinner getting served.
"What the fuck is that?"
"Cullen, don't…"
I took a sniff and peeked into the kitchen.
"Beef goddamn Stroganoff?"
Appropriate.
And holy shit.
"Cullen!" Swan was whisper yelling but it was fucking futile, my friends.
The stomach desists for no one.
Because that was about when I realized, I was famished like a motherfucker.
So, I did what every hungry as a motherfucker private eye might do in that situation.
Okay, just me, but still.
I rounded the corner, entered the dining room and pulled up a goddamn seat, then proceeded to make myself a plate.
Hey, I smiled. It wasn't like I was a dick about it.
Shocked eyes watched me, unable to form just the right words for what was happening to them. I was still pretty pissed at our good friend the womanizer but hunger overrode that emotion and I figured I had at least a good five minutes before security was alerted and arrived.
Swan entered hesitantly but I told her ass that she really needed to try that shit.
"Meeeeeesss….tare Cullen."
Ah…my host.
I almost fucking forgot about his ass.
He looked a little…peeved, if ya ask me.
"Hey, Mendez," I nodded toward the food. "You don't mind, do ya? Fucking starving."
I plopped a nice big sterling silver serving spoon full of what I could only assume was homemade goddamn mashed potatoes onto my plate.
I fucking love the mash.
And then, who I presumed to be the wife of Mendez, set her silverware down quietly and excused herself, inviting Swan to join her, who of course snorted and passed on that fucking offer, then joined me at the table.
Mendez eyeballed her, but he didn't dare say anything. Not after their last encounter.
And probably because he noticed her hand on her Hechler but I'm not a hundred percent positive about that theory.
"How deed ju….?"
"F.Y. fucking I, my friend….it takes a lot more than a few circus monkeys with Walmart water guns to keep me from being somewhere I wanna fucking be."
"This does not have…anything to do with…"
I put the plate down.
Louder than I needed to, maybe, but that was just for dramatic fucking affect.
And to get his attention.
"How's about you…" I pointed at him. "Tell me and my fucking partner…"
"Cullen…"
Swan's babble fest warning was going off, but I was already committed to eating my goddamn steak dinner and I needed Mendez to mull some shit over.
So I looked back at him.
"Why you're lying your ass off to the two people you HIRED to do a job for you? Cause you know…" I took a bite of the meat.
And god….damn was it good.
Swan was rolling her eyes now but I could tell, she was fucking dying for a bite.
"That's a sure fire way to lose our trust."
I stabbed the steak again and put the fork up to Bella's lips.
Yeah, she took it, and fucking hummed.
Why the fuck I did that shit was beyond even me…because for the third time within about as many hours, my goddamn dick was hard.
"Shit," I breathed and her eyes opened, realized what she'd just done and then she righted herself, swallowing the goodness, nudging me to get back to fucking business.
Right.
Mendez seemed appreciative of our little moment and smiled at me.
Fucking smiled.
Ass.
"Meestare Cullen, I am sure I don't…"
"Don't bother lying, Mendez, I already know you never contacted the DCPD about your daughter missing, so…"
I let it hang there, waiting for him to figure out what his next move was.
More lies, or fessing up.
And I took another bite of the stroganoff as he did it.
I shared with Swan, I'm not a fucking hoarder for Christ's sake.
Or an idiot.
Besides, I know how she gets when she's fucking hungry.
It's ugly, my friends….not something I wanna screw with. Not in front of civilians, anyway.
After about a bite or two, he finally breathed out. It was almost like he'd been dying to give me the dirt which made me wonder even more, why not just fucking tell me the real deal from the goddamn get go?
"Hhhhokay, I will admeet…"
"Elaezer."
Both mine and Swan's heads snapped to see that the Mrs. was back.
She was standing at the doorway, looking like she was silently begging the guy to shut the fuck up.
I knew that look.
I'd seen the same thing from Swan many a time and for the first time, I kinda felt bad for the guy.
A little bit.
"He should know, my darling," he told her and she let out a resigned sigh, leaving again…into the kitchen this time.
He was solemn about that shit which made me think about just exactly what the fuck this guy had gotten himself into but I didn't have to wonder long because he suddenly went into the whole sorted story.
About how he'd met Aro Volturi when he was younger and struggling to pay his way through piloting school and how Aro had, for some reason, taken a liking to him, paid his debts for him and seemed to be a good guy…until he graduated, that is.
That was when Aro funded a large part of Mendez's bank account to help him in staring his own business and when that business started doing really well, Aro cashed in on all of his "favors" by rounding Mendez up to do his drug runs for him.
At first….supposedly, anyway, this guy didn't know what he was running but eventually, he figured it out and still stayed.
Still played that ass wipe's game.
Still supplied the Nation's Capital's enemy number fucking uno with a sure fire way to get his drugs to anywhere he wanted to.
This would be where I didn't really give a flying fuck about the water works that were starting to well up in the dick fuck's eyes.
I gave Swan the old "I fucking goddamn told ya so" look and she grimaced at me.
I could tell what she was thinking and I wasn't about to let her feel sorry for this prick.
"Well, Mendez…that's…some story…" I said to him, letting my eyebrows do their thing as I put my fork down and got all kinds of goddamn serious on his ass.
"Edward."
"No Swan," I told her, holding a hand up. "He needs to hear this shit."
I turned to our not so good a friend and informed him, "Welcome to the wonderful goddamn world of motherfucking karma, asshole."
As much as I hated to admit that shit, Muldoon might have actually had a point in that tiny little brain of his, I realized.
I know, scary.
The Mrs. Moaned out with an overly dramatic sob from the other room and I laughed.
Shit, I had to, I was suddenly feeling like I was on an old re-run of Oprah or some shit like that and Swan now had a hand over her eyes, unwilling to watch as the debauchery that is my mouth began spewing more bullshit at the guy.
"Did you really think this would end well? I mean, you did know who you were dealing with…right?"
Idiot.
"I tried to leave, Meester Cullen, my hwife…" He waved flippantly at his wife, trying desperately to make some sort of a lame as fuck point with me. "She foun out and…"
"Woah woah woah woah wait just a goddamn minute…"
Shock and awe moment for the private eye, my friends.
Shock and awe.
He stopped, mid sentence and I continued. "You mean your own wife didn't even know what the fuck you were into?"
Looks of despair filled their faces and the paranoid part of me couldn't help but wonder if they were just faking that shit.
And now I'm Dr. fucking Phil.
Who smells pie.
My mind didn't quite understand what my stomach was reveling in as the Mrs. walked back in with what smelling like some serious up Apple pie goddamn goodness and set it on the table.
Right in front of me.
She sat down into the empty seat between Mendez and me and began to cut a piece as she spoke.
"My husband is not perfect, Mr. Cullen. He has made mistakes."
She wasn't looking at me, just the pie as she scooped a slice onto a plate that sat next to the pie plate.
Swan's hand made it's way to my thigh but not in any kinda, I wanna jump your bones sorta way…just, you know, her own way of telling me to back the fuck off for a few.
And I did…I let her talk.
"….But he has always done what he had to do to support our family and to protect us from the dangers of his occupation."
She pushed the sweet smelling goodness in front of me and then picked up a fork, holding it out to me.
"I don't pretend to approve of his…" her eyes did this shifty thing, like she was mentally scolding her husband over her shoulder, then they moved back to my own. "Practices….I just want my little girl back."
I took the fork and cut a corner off of what she'd offered me.
"She's just…"
"Your baby."
It was Swan who finished the sentence and she was looking at me when she said it which gave me a very odd fucking feeling somewhere deep down in the pit of my stomach but I pushed that shit away to tell the Mrs. that her apple pie was fucking delicious.
"This is just an innocent girl we're talking about here, Edward," Swan reiterated, to which I reminded her, "She's twenty," and then she retorted with, "Still innocent."
I mean shit, we could do this shit all day.
Right?
"Okay, let's just…get some clues and debate the ins and outs of just exactly what age one is when they start growing a brain."
I caught a slight glimpse of the narrowing of her fiery eyes before placing my attention back to Mendez.
'Cause I'd had just about enough of playing the sensitive fucking type for one goddamn evening.
"You wanna share some information that might actually help us find your daughter, Mendez? Or should we just cancel the funds transfers you've set up for this week and be on our way?"
"Eleazer," the Mrs. said softly and he nodded.
"Ju can take anytheeeng ju need, if you like, hare room ess upstairs, I will show ju."
He walked and we followed, leaving the heart broken, champion fucking pie maker alone with her tears, which is just as well, 'cause I can't handle that shit anyway.
"Kate was adopted, ju know."
Okay, didn't see that comin'.
My eyes knit together and I gave Swan a look, who seemed to be thinking the same thing I was.
Where's this heading?
"My hwife, she could not have cheeldren of hare own so we adopted Kathreen hwhen she was…jus a babee."
"Tell me about Alec."
It was worth a shot, I wanted to see a couple of things.
A) His initial reaction to my question, and B) just exactly how much he knew about what the blonde sex god and his only adopted daughter.
Turns out, he didn't know much.
Either that or he didn't want me to know he knew…which raised all kinds of other questions all on its own.
Alec apparently was a babysitter, among other things, for Mendez. He watched over Kate while daddy did his dirty work for Aro and I'm guessing all that quality time spent together is what led to their relationship.
I was kinda glad he left Swan and I alone in Kate's bedroom once he'd shown us where it was because I was having a hard time holding shit in at that point.
"What. The. Fuck." I said and Swan nearly giggled at my loss of temper over this whole debauchery.
"Things just tend to become more and more complicated as we go, huh?" she mused and I asked her, "What's your take on this guy?"
Seriousness droned through her and she told me, "Well, I can't help but wonder if you're wondering if Mendez had something to do with his daughter's disappearance…and I'm also wondering if you might be right."
Like I said…knows me too well.
I sat down onto Kate's bed and started to run through my list of conspiracies that might possibly be going on when I noticed her end table.
Or rather, something sitting on top of her end table.
I picked it up and started thumbing through it.
"What's that?"
"Diary…or shall I say…the fucking jackpot."
"Cullen, you can't read a girl's diary."
Was she serious?
'Cause she looked serious.
"Like hell, I can't…this shit's evidence, Swan."
She grabbed for it and I held it up, out of her reach, laughing a little bit. "Diaries are private, Cullen."
"Swan, I promise, I'll only look for clues." I crossed my heart and hoped to die a happy man and she finally gave in, spending some time looking around for other shit for us to wonder over.
"Hmmmm."
I was reading a particularly interesting passage in Kate's journal when Swan made notice of something only a woman would notice.
"What's up?"
"Her make-up is all gone."
"Uh, huh?"
What the fuck does that have to do with…
"She wasn't taken, Cullen."
Scowling.
Lots and lots of scowling.
And my fucking head hurt.
"Or at least, she didn't know she was being taken…she knew the perp."
"And you came to this conclusion because her make-up is missing?"
"Because she wouldn't have had time to pack her make-up if someone had surprised her…so either she knew them, or she left on her own."
Huh.
Learn somethin' new every day...don't we?
"Or maybe the kidnappers were just trying to get on her good side by letting her take a few things," I debated.
Stockholm Syndrom.
Just what we fucking needed.
"This is not gonna go well, either way."
"Do we tell Mendez?"
I laughed.
'Cause you know.
Tit for fucking tat is one of my middle goddamn names.
"I don't fucking think so," I said, continuing on with my reading.
"Weird."
"What?"
"Says here Kate tried to file a complaint with the DCPD…it doesn't say against who but it does say that Metro blew her off…"
I looked up. "Guess who the blower was?"
Swan knew, she could tell by my quippy, sarcastic, full of fucking venom question.
"Muldoon."
"Yyyyyyyep."
I sighed and pinched at my eyeballs, 'cause the dull pain I'd felt a few minutes before was just the beginning and I needed a goddamn drink, if ya get what I'm fuckin' sayin.
I tucked the journal into my jacket and we decided to make a night of it, leaving in a semi-quiet fashion as we did.
"Swan?" I asked her as we descended the stair way together.
"Yes."
I smiled. "Do you have a diary?"
Nothin'. Just a glare from the corner of her eye.
"Do you write about me?"
Still, zippo.
But I coulda sworn I saw the jaw tighten a little.
She was hidin' something.
Not like her.
I managed to stop her momentarily by the arm as I leaned over to her and nuzzled her hair a little. I could feel the goose bumps on her neck and I fucking liked it. "Do you write about the nasty things I do to you, Swan?"
The tension left her and I was rewarded with giggles and elbows.
It was the Swan way.
She continued down the stairs.
"You do, don't you?"
"Shut up."
We were almost at the bottom as I laughed at her ass.
I was also about to ask her what the fuck it was that she apparently didn't wanna tell me when I noticed Mendez, sitting on one of them. He stood up and gathered his wits as we approached him.
"We're outta here."
"I am…sorry meestaire Cullen…Miss Swan."
Woah, didn't see that comin', either.
"If ju need….anytheeeng…"
"Right," was all I gave him 'cause in all seriousness, I wasn't buying the regretful act.
Not yet, anyway.
I noticed the Mrs. standing by the kitchen and before we were out the door, I gave her a holler.
"Thanks for the pie," I told her and she just smiled…kind of a skiddish fucking smile but…it would have to do.
I nodded and then caught up with Swan who was already shaking her head.
"So, Muldoon again tomorrow?"
"Looks like it."
"You gonna be good?"
I chuckled.
That was funny.
"Highly unlikely, Swan," I assured her, as we put our helmets back on and headed home on the Honda.
I can't say I was looking forward to this next meeting. It seemed like everyone involved in this fucking case was lying to us and I knew somehow that Emmett was gonna get sucked in and pulled into the bullshit.
Something I tried to bypass as much as possible but in this case, it seemed unavoidable.
And I knew what would happen.
He'd probably stand his straight and narrow, loyal to a fault stance and be a good DC Metro cop, not willing to ruffle any oil covered feathers but I was used to it by now.
The only thing that really bugged me was that I was probably gonna piss his ass off tomorrow which meant he'd be skipping out on our Wii tournament that weekend.
Which kinda sucked because I was about to cash in on some serious debt he owed me for beating his ass so much.
I made a mental note to pick Eleanor up from Rose A.S.A. motherfucking P. just in case…and to get a bomb detector installed on her somewhere.
'Cause ya never fucking know if lightning might actually strike twice.
Right?
At home, Swan hopped off of the bike and practically threw her helmet at me and I followed her to the back door where she was letting Pup out with a determination I'd felt creeping up on me for a while now.
'Cause I was gonna find the fuck out just what was bugging her ass.
And yeah…
This oughtta be fun.
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