Swan POV
There was no way in Hell I was riding back with that…
Cullen.
"Uh!"
I stepped onto the elevator and closed my eyes, breathed slowly and tried to control the rage I was feeling in order to hopefully avoid breaking any buttons on the wall when I punched our floor number.
I also couldn't help but remember a certain elevator encounter we'd had, when I was also quite pissed at him and wondered if there would ever be a time when he wasn't…completely…pissing me off for one reason or another.
I wanted to laugh at that. Really I did.
That whole line of thinking led to my mind wandering to a point where I couldn't help but question if Cullen really was the type that anyone, in particular, me, could ever really settle down with.
Was it in his nature?
And even if it was, could I handle what his nature entailed…till death do us part?
I sighed, exiting the elevator, because, truth be told, part of me had wondered that all along and I even followed it up with a little bit of asking myself, just how long could this relationship last, anyway?
Just as fast as thoughts like that filtered into my head, however, other things were filtering out and when I started to think a little more clearly, I understood that my head knew things that my heart didn't want to think about and they were currently having a diabolical debate inside of me over who was right and who was wrong.
And who was the idiot that thought it was okay to put her grubby, scrawny little hands all over my…
What in the hell was he, anyway?
My boyfriend?
It sounded so juvenile considering we were adults and not eleven year old sixth graders passing notes to see if the other one liked us or not.
It didn't mean anything, I thought and then a sinking in the pit of my stomach told me, this must have been how he felt when I was spending so much time with Newton back before…
Well…before.
And then just like that, I felt like an over emotional, over reacting, full of jacked up hormonal, thought she was pregnant for a few days…whatever all of a sudden and I stopped in the middle of the hallway, leaned against a wall and looked at the situation with a…semi-clear head, anyway.
We were on a case.
He was caught off guard.
To an extent, anyway…
She had information that Cullen clearly thought he needed.
He was just….doing what needed to be done to…
Not helping.
"Good job, Bella…what a mess."
This relationship that I'd found myself in, as easy as it seemed at times, there were others when it felt…so…fucking…complicated.
Did he deserve the knee to the balls?
Oh yeah, most definitely Yes.
But the slap?
Not really.
I mean, it wasn't like he was cheating on me, cheating on me.
The Vodka was a nice touch, though.
I smiled.
"Shit."
My cell phone rang and when I saw who it was, I let it go to voice mail.
I was in no mood to talk to Alice, she was too perceptive and too perky for me to even begin to want to discuss any of this with her at that point in time.
By the time I was at the door to our suite, I was over the rage.
Still annoyed, yes, but more with his poor judgment he'd shown in letting it go as far as it had, than anything else.
He just better hope it all paid off, because that was not…happening again.
Not if he wanted to keep Eddy Jr. in one nice…long piece, anyway.
Who was I kidding? I knew he loved me.
He didn't say it every day, or get all mushy or anything like some men tended to do, but he showed me.
With every look, or touch, or…bedroom quality time, I knew it in my bones.
And lots of other places, too.
I threw my purse down onto a table as I entered our suite and covered my face with my hands in a gesture of ridding my mind of the entire night's events,then headed for the bathroom to wash the stupid make up off of my face and maybe drown myself in a bath full of Calgon…
For several reasons.
Standing there, watching him grope that…Bitch. For one thing.
I mean, why put myself through that? I should have either left, and met him back here or…slapped the shit out of her and told her to get her fucking paws off of my Edward.
Whore.
Except for the fact that, that would have given him away and despite the fact that I was royally pissed off at the moment, I knew, even as I watched them, that he must have had a reason for letting her put her spidery hands all over him like that.
Or his lips on hers.
And where was he, anyway?
Just as I asked myself that question, I noticed the lights were all out in the suite, except for the slight glow of what must have been candles coming from the bedroom.
There was also music playing and even though I could barely hear it, I knew the song.
I twisted my mouth a little, trying really hard not to smile because I didn't want to just magically forget the night's communicative failure between us but in all honesty, the making up was the best part of fighting with Cullen.
Right?
Dusty Springfield was one of my favorites and Cullen knew that, he teased me on many occasions about how he knew that deep down, I really wanted a good boy.
The son of a Preacher man, maybe.
But he was wrong.
When I entered the bedroom, Cullen was…
Just.
Coming.
Out.
Of.
The.
Shower.
Half.
Naked.
Oh my god.
I eyed his silhouette at the door as he noticed me and then leaned against the jamb and crossed his arms, watching me, watching him.
"Thought I'd…wash the…you know…" he mumbled a little, like he was nervous or something and I felt the apology coming out of the words he wasn't using.
In the tone of the words he did use.
The music played softly and it seemed to make him think about something as he pushed off of the door and came to stand in front of me and I tried…really hard not to let my eyes divert themselves anywhere other than his own.
"Did I ever tell you how mom used to take us to Church every Sunday when we were little, Swan?"
Something in his voice was off.
He was different then…well, him.
It was…complex. I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
I swallowed as he appeared to correct himself.
"Bella."
Holy.
"No," I whispered and I could feel my heart begin to race.
Just like any other time that I anticipated what was about to happen between us.
What might be said.
Or insinuated.
Or licked.
He nodded and let his eyes dip to my neck, just where the strap to my dress covered it, then his hands lifted and his fingers trailed down the length of my arm, from the top of my shoulder, slowly, all the way to my hands, as he took them into his and kissed the backs of both of them.
And I couldn't take my eyes off of him.
"Emmett and I were hellions," he said. "She thought if she took us to hear the word of God it might put some sort of respectfulness into us…"
Blashphemy.
"How'd that go?" I asked him, softly, even though I clearly knew the answer, already.
And as Dusty Springfield's voice filled the room, I could just barely see the smile playing at his lips from my curiosity.
He smiled, a little, meeting my eyes again and told me, "Not so good, I think it actually made us more determined to be unruly."
And then a laugh escaped him, at the sarcasm but there was still, something that didn't feel right.
Didn't seem, right with him.
He came across like that eleven year old boy, passing me a note, asking if it was okay to take me to the end of year dance or something.
"You wouldn't be you, if you'd had let the word of God influence, you, Cullen," I told him as he inched me backwards, to the bed and when the back of my knees hit it, I let myself sit down onto the edge.
"Maybe I wouldn't screw up as much, either," he whispered and I wondered if he'd meant for me to hear it but was just a tad distracted from asking him about that comment when his hands moved behind me, to unzip my dress.
Goose bumps formed and even through the dark, I could see the smiled on his face, loving the fact that he could do that to me.
"Edward, maybe we should…"
He kneeled down in front of me then, putting a finger to my lips to shush me and I decided to maybe let him do what it was he felt like he needed to do.
He was Cullen, and he had a certain…way of making up for the idiotic things he did.
He pushed gently and I let him lie me down back onto the bed, arching my back when he needed me to, to get the dress off of me all together and when he started on the hose, letting a finger from each hand hook the hem of them, he began to pull those off of me, too.
And when he noticed I wasn't wearing any underwear, he took in a sharp breath, whispered his catchphrase, "fuuuuuuck," but kept going.
And I smiled.
Because this was how I'd wanted our night to end, all along.
I'd take it…even with the rocky road we had to travel to get there.
He discarded those onto the floor and I thought he'd be back up to kiss me but then I felt a kiss, instead, on the tops of each of my feet and his warm, hot lips made my inner workings do very nice things.
And I breathed a little harder, too.
His lips followed a path from my ankles, to my calves…
Thank God I shaved.
To the inside of my thighs, to my…
"Oh my god."
"You want me to be good, Swan…." He asked just before he licked in between my folds and I thought, I could die, right then and there, and I'd be okay with that.
"I don't…" I started but he shut me up with another lick, a harder one, before telling me, "I can be good…"
Another lick, with an added bonus of a few fingers playing around a little, too, finding my…
"Mmmmmm," I hummed, rolling my head to the side while I adjusted my hips ever so slightly for more.
"So good," he said as his mouth left my heat and began travelling up my stomach.
"I don't…" I started again but he broke my thought process with, "Shhhhhh….trying to apologize, here."
Yes.
More apologizing.
That was good.
That was very good.
He arrived at my bra that I was still wearing and moved the lace to take a nipple into his mouth and my eyes closed again, while my mouth opened to let out another small moan of complete Cullen ecstasy.
"Cullen…"
"Listen," he said, hovering over me and his eyes, they were sincere and thoughtful and frustrating and…every feeling I couldn't quite comprehend inside of myself, they were there.
Looking back at me.
"Doesn't matter how I slice it, I was wrong, Bella, I could have….and…fuck me standing, I should have gotten the fucking information another way….I just…."
"Wait," I said, unable to help myself from cutting him off our of sheer curiosity. "What information?"
"Later," he told me, half chuckling at my enthusiasm all of a sudden.
But he wasn't going to let me detour his actions.
Not tonight.
I let him continue, I mean hell, I'm not an idiot.
He kissed me as he let a hand find its way to where I was slick and hot and ready for making up because honestly, I didn't want a good boy Edward, who played by the rules and did everything he was supposed to and made everybody happy as a part of his every day routine.
I wanted the Edward Cullen, dick with an attitude that I knew and loved in all of his ass holiness glory and his mistakes and his bad decisions and every other nuance that came with him.
Kids or no kids.
Flirtatious ho bags or no flirtatious ho bags.
Because inside all of that cocky, over achieving, stubborn, self absorbed at times exterior of his, he was good.
And he was mine, no matter what.
"Don't…"
"Don't cut me any slack, Swan, I crossed a line tonight, I don't know why, and I don't know what the fuck I was thinking when I did it, but the whole time, I was imagining she was you…"
"I really don't want to talk about anything that happened between the two of you, if you don't mind, Edward."
And although he hesitated for just a moment, I felt his fingers begin to move inside of me in a way that was meant to reiterate what he was about to tell me.
And it did.
"She doesn't hold a Yankee goddamn candle to you, Swan…no one does…and I'm a fucking idiot for letting you think any different for more than a nano-second."
He breathed out, like he'd been holding that in for some time…and like he'd just kicked himself internally for the who know what number of times that night and then looked into my eyes again.
His lips found mine, softly, then a little harder, and then they found my ear.
"I don't ever wanna be the fucking reason that you're crying, again."
And with that, my heart broke in two because, I knew he hadn't done it on purpose, he's just…stupid.
I'd never, in the time we'd been together, seen him this way and I don't know what he'd been doing for the past hour that made him so different, but I had to admit, I didn't like it much on some level.
I mean I liked it, in that at least now I knew what was going through his head, and that I could confirm that it hadn't meant anything but…I wanted my Cullen back.
I wanted the crass attitude and the sarcasm and the hard kisses that told me he wasn't going to let me go without any of the apologies that normal, non-screwed up couples needed all the time.
"I love you," he whispered.
And that did it.
"Shut up," I said to him.
"What?" he practically laughed at my reaction, pulling his head back to look at me again, to see if maybe he'd heard me wrong…or, maybe if I was crazy.
But he didn't.
And I wasn't.
"I said, shut. Up."
"Swan….you just…"
"Cullen, if you don't shut your fucking mouth and show me how you feel instead of blabbering it out like a goddamn girl, I'm gonna get out of this bed, put my clothes on and leave you forever. Is that what you want?"
"Uh….."
I cocked an eyebrow at him to show I meant business.
"No, not at all," he finally answered, furrowing that stupid, sexy as hell brow of his and when he did, I think he got it.
Then he smiled that Cullen smile I love so much, among other things, and pulled the towel that had been covering poor Eddy Jr. up since I'd gotten there while I removed what little was left of mine.
The bra, in other words.
"You sure Eddy's up for this?" I teased him and he didn't exactly laugh, but he wasn't pissed either.
"No thanks to you," he said. "But he's a tough motherfucker, I think he can handle it."
And with that, Cullen straddled me and leaned down, took my face in his hands and kissed me again, as I wrapped my legs around him to trap him there, just in case he had second thoughts.
Okay, more so I could line the two of us up and get him inside of me before I had an aneurism.
His hum as I pulled him into me said he felt the same frustration and then we both seemed to sigh in relief that the uncomfortable sweet talk was over.
He tried.
That had meant the world to me, and then some.
His forehead leaned into mine with his initial push and then he thrust hard several times more before saying anything, wrapping his arms underneath and around me and I held on tightly, enjoying every second of him filling me the way he did.
I might have even bit his shoulder once or twice but I'm pretty sure he didn't mind.
"Jesus," he grunted. "It's been too long."
His lips couldn't get enough of everywhere and I couldn't get enough of his lips.
I laughed at him, though. "Cullen, it's only been a couple of days.
"Exactly."
I felt like there was just no way he would get deep enough, or hard enough for me to truly feel him and I knew it was because I was so afraid of losing him, despite the knowledge I felt deep down that I never would.
It was overwhelming, like I would burst at the seams and then, as though he was hearing my thoughts, he backed up onto his knees and spread my legs wide, then pulled me to him urgently, pushing harder and faster and just when I thought I wouldn't be able to take it anymore…
"Oh, shit," I cried out and Cullen's breathing became erratic, hearing my orgasm and he closed his eyes tight and delved into me hard, on last time as he came.
"Shhhhhit."
"I know exactly what you mean," I said and then he fell onto the bed next to me and tried to control his breathing a little more.
"You're really easy, ya know that?" he teased as we lay there, still hot from all the friction and I giggled a little bit, hiding my face into his shoulder.
"Oh now you become shy."
And then I adjusted myself, so I was propped up onto an elbow and kissed the side of his beautiful face.
"Just, coming to understand that everything doesn't have to be so black and white all the time."
"Jesus, Swan, cryptic, much?" he grumbled, staring me down out of the corner of his eye.
"A little, but that's one of the perks of being a woman," I quipped back.
"And if you're me, also a perk."
And I couldn't help but laugh out loud then, because…he was back.
My Edward.
My Cullen.
My big fat jerk.
And I loved him.
Just then, my cell phone rang at almost the exact same time Cullen's did and we both eyeballed each other before deciding we'd better get them since they might actually have something to do with our case.
I silently cursed Alice, though, for not getting the hint earlier but when I answered all persnickety like, I was stopped dead by her shaky voice.
"Bella…oh thank God, is Edward with you?"
And when I looked over at Cullen, who seemed to mirror the feelings I was having all of a sudden, I couldn't help but wonder who was on the other end of his phone call.
"Alice, what's…" I couldn't even finish the question.
Because I knew.
It was probably bad and I didn't even know if I wanted to know.
Which meant Cullen's call must have been from…
But before I could even get the rest of my thought out, he'd already been told what I was about to find out and asked his caller the only thing I didn't see coming.
"What about Seth?"
Son of a motherfucker.
No comments:
Post a Comment